Anyone who knows me would accurately tell you that I’m always striving to be the “best version of myself” — not to please others, but to improve my own life and happiness. This seems like a healthy quest, doesn’t it? Sure. But there comes a time when even improving something should have its limits. Especially when it comes to self improvement.
A few weeks ago I was watching old home videos with my mom. In one of the videos, baby me was just learning how to walk. I wasn’t very good at it yet so I was constantly stumbling and falling. But here’s the funny part: every time I fell in the video, I would make this (quite adorable) angry growling noise and try to walk again with more determination. The cycle repeated and I was laughing while watching this video — then suddenly I realized: I’m still like that.
Even as a one year old, I was a perfectionist. It made me angry to stumble, fall, or fail. And to this day, it still makes me angry. I’m generally a positive person and I love sharing that positivity and spreading good vibes…but I’m human, so I have low moments too. And my lowest moments are the moments when I feel like I’ve failed.
But I’m not here today just to blab about myself. This topic has been on my heart lately and I think you might be able to relate. I think you might also feel that constant need to improve yourself, to learn more, get smarter, become better… but today I’d like to debunk a myth that I find myself often believing in: self improvement/personal development is always a good idea. The truth is: IT’S COMPLICATED.
WHY SELF IMPROVEMENT IS MAKING YOU WORSE
Don’t get me wrong: self improvement can be a very good thing. But like everything else, it’s only good in moderation. The term “self improvement” literally means: the improvement of one’s knowledge, status, or character by one’s own efforts. Sounds promising, right? Sounds like I CAN DO/BE ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO. And I can… but sometimes my mind gets stuck there.
Here’s what I mean: I’ve never been one to depreciate myself (at least I haven’t been for years) — however, I always find ways I can “improve” myself. Whether I want to have healthier habits or learn a new skillset, I always see room for improvement. This might not seem like a bad thing because it’s great to be open minded and willing to learn… but when you start to judge yourself based on what you are and what you aren’t… then you’re headed for trouble.
See, when I notice room for improvement everywhere I look, I start to miss some of the things that are already wonderful exactly as they are. It’s a bit like eating waffles and all you can think about is how they could be lighter or fluffier or sweeter instead of thinking about how THEY ARE ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD WAFFLES.* Too often, I do this with myself — with my talents, skills, and knowledge. I compare it to what I’d like it to be. I compare it to what I lack.
*couldn’t resist the urge to use a waffle metaphor I mean who do you think I am son
STOP THIS VICIOUS CYCLE
When you start noticing all the things you could be and aren’t, you lose sight of all the things you are. And if nothing else in this post sticks with you today, I want THIS ONE THING to stick with you: YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. In fact, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. There is nothing you can do to improve yourself — not really! We have to stop seeing “personal development” as improving ourselves and instead see as learning and growing. There is nothing broken about you, and you don’t need fixing or repairing or updating. You’re not a piece of technology — so stop trying to become the “latest and greatest” version of yourself.
The only version of yourself you should be seeking is the happiest version of yourself. The version of yourself that is grateful and content with who you are, eager to learn and explore and try new things… but okay with failing and falling. I know I have to learn this lesson just as much as the next person, but PLEASE: don’t seek out self improvement because you think you’re not good enough or healthy enough or spiritual enough or thin enough or smart enough. Seek self improvement because it makes you happy to be mindful about the things you do. Seek self improvement because you love to learn and grow and get stronger and healthier, mentally or physically.
When you start from a place of kindness and compassion, it makes self improvement SO MUCH MORE FUN. Because it’s icing on your (already fabulous) cake. You are worthy, beautiful, smart, talented, and glorious. You have all the equipment you need to be anything you want to be and go anywhere you want to go. BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF, MY FRIEND. Then set off on your journey. I promise it will be wonderful.
TALK, BRO
Short and sweet today, my friend! What are your thoughts on self improvement? Are you a perfectionist like me and get angry/disappointed in yourself when you fail?? Is there something you’ve been trying to improve about yourself lately but you just feel stuck in a rut? I hope this post has inspired you. LET’S CHAT IN THE COMMENTS! Get something off your chest, honey. I’m here for you. <3
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